First Draft Script Feedback

 Wes Romoli - The Gorilla

JANE'S FEEDBACK

Peter, a man with writer’s block, is inspired when he sees his Mum has a gorilla.

This is a really simple but very funny and fun idea that is perfect short film material. It’s an excellent core premise but needs some meat on the bone.

 

How can we find out more about Peter - why is he writing, is he a new writer or an experienced writer whose lost his mojo? Can we be introduced to more of his world? If you set up the idea that he’s an average guy and presents himself as living an average life and then the twist at the end is that his Mum’s a gorilla (or likes to dress as a gorilla) that would elevate the film and get a huge laugh.

 

There are formatting issues and technical things about layout we can go through in the session, but a very funny premise with excellent short film potential.

Development:

This is a really good feedback, but i must admit I'm a little intrigued how to develop this story. 

I must agree with Jane that I should talk more about Peter, I know I can develop this character little bit further.

But what intrigues me the most is the final part of the script, I have something in mind, I definitely want to do something fanciful something like the Tim Burton stories, no comparisons obviously.

I didn't realise that i didn't even explain to the audience about the main character. 

I will improve that!

It's very helpful feedback.